The Leash Needed Quality Time, Forget the Dog! (pt. 2)

   (Please read the first part of this post, comes before)

Oh, and that's not all. I've done a lot of "In my own world" things in my life, not just switching the wrong switch on the blender while trying to concoct raspberry goodness.

Like for instance, try and picture this.

I want a drink. The kitchen sink is about two steps ahead of me. I turn around to where my BACK is facing the sink, then walk all the way around the island to get to the sink. Thats right… Instead of just taking two steps, I had to take fifteen. And that's not all! To get back to where I was originally standing, I walk back around to where I was. Then, of course, I realized what I did.

Here are three more mistakes I (possibly, maybe, not really, high chance, could have) made:

1.) I went to church practically in a see-through shirt that was backwards and inside out. (I wonder how that happened)

2.) My reading of the map upside down. Oh yes, it doesn't just happen in the movies!

3.) And last but not least, this happened:

Mom: "Time to take the dog out!" Ok. Out the mudroom door, with everything I need: Shoes, socks, leash, raincoat (it was raining) and of course: wait a minute! Where's the dog? Oh, yes, people. I remember everything BUT the dog. Here I am, walking down the sidewalk, with just the leash… so when I look back at the house, I see the dog standing on his hind-legs, staring at me from outside of the window, and watching me be an idiot. Between you and me, I'm just forgetful. But in case anyone else asks: The leash told me to forget the dog because it wanted quality time. That's half right: I did "Forget the dog," so I guess it's not exactly a lie.

If the average person has an iQ of 100, I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere between 55 and 60. But to be sure, how do I know? The dog surely wouldn't. The dog I forgot, that is.

The Leash Needed Quality Time, Forget the Dog!

Ok. From reading my blog, you may have learned a few things: like how to respond when someone offers you oysters, how to mock let it go, and maybe scatter splotches of smoothie all over the kitchen and your dear, sweet, mother. Those are all funny things several people may have done. But, now that you know some things about me, lets get more serious with my problems.

First, lets start with the basics.

1.) How many people do you know chew gum in the shower?

2.) How many people do you know type on the computer with their pointer finger on their left hand and middle on their right?

3.) How many people do you know grab the soap from their sock drawer (that makes the socks smell good) and use it as their go-to hand soap?

4.) How many people look like this on deranged cameras?

Let's see here… ME.

(Please turn to the next post to read the rest.)