The Leash Needed Quality Time, Forget the Dog! (pt. 2)

   (Please read the first part of this post, comes before)

Oh, and that's not all. I've done a lot of "In my own world" things in my life, not just switching the wrong switch on the blender while trying to concoct raspberry goodness.

Like for instance, try and picture this.

I want a drink. The kitchen sink is about two steps ahead of me. I turn around to where my BACK is facing the sink, then walk all the way around the island to get to the sink. Thats right… Instead of just taking two steps, I had to take fifteen. And that's not all! To get back to where I was originally standing, I walk back around to where I was. Then, of course, I realized what I did.

Here are three more mistakes I (possibly, maybe, not really, high chance, could have) made:

1.) I went to church practically in a see-through shirt that was backwards and inside out. (I wonder how that happened)

2.) My reading of the map upside down. Oh yes, it doesn't just happen in the movies!

3.) And last but not least, this happened:

Mom: "Time to take the dog out!" Ok. Out the mudroom door, with everything I need: Shoes, socks, leash, raincoat (it was raining) and of course: wait a minute! Where's the dog? Oh, yes, people. I remember everything BUT the dog. Here I am, walking down the sidewalk, with just the leash… so when I look back at the house, I see the dog standing on his hind-legs, staring at me from outside of the window, and watching me be an idiot. Between you and me, I'm just forgetful. But in case anyone else asks: The leash told me to forget the dog because it wanted quality time. That's half right: I did "Forget the dog," so I guess it's not exactly a lie.

If the average person has an iQ of 100, I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere between 55 and 60. But to be sure, how do I know? The dog surely wouldn't. The dog I forgot, that is.

The Leash Needed Quality Time, Forget the Dog!

Ok. From reading my blog, you may have learned a few things: like how to respond when someone offers you oysters, how to mock let it go, and maybe scatter splotches of smoothie all over the kitchen and your dear, sweet, mother. Those are all funny things several people may have done. But, now that you know some things about me, lets get more serious with my problems.

First, lets start with the basics.

1.) How many people do you know chew gum in the shower?

2.) How many people do you know type on the computer with their pointer finger on their left hand and middle on their right?

3.) How many people do you know grab the soap from their sock drawer (that makes the socks smell good) and use it as their go-to hand soap?

4.) How many people look like this on deranged cameras?

Let's see here… ME.

(Please turn to the next post to read the rest.)

Sleeping Cutie 4

On the way, Gracelemen questioned the fairy, madam annoyingness, about what was going on. The fairy refused to talk until they landed at a house near Ollivercatolot and King Bishop III. "Well, Hugolofent, is after you. He wants to end you forever so he will be the king of cuteness." She said. "I don't know why though, cause your really not that cute." "NOW I know why your name is your name. You ARE annoying!" Gracelemen murmured under her breath.

Hugolofent was closer than ever on his eternal rule. His evil plan was like smoke to king Bishop III, he could smell it no matter how far off it seemed. Olivercatolot, like usual, failed to see any suspicion, accept that his tuna sandwich was missing. In case your curious, Bishop III saw that it disappeared too, right into Olivercatolot's stomach. While the three set off on the journey, Hugolofent made a sleeping potion.

(Ollie) "Well, well, well, dog!!! Your wrong! I can pack less than 3 million suitcases!"
(Bishop) "Well, i'm pretty close. You have ten. And all you needed was one suitcase!"
(Hugo) "Boys, boys. Its time we leave. Remember this: It will be worth it!"
(Bishop, murmuring quietly) "For you, maybe."

                                                                    15 minutes later

(Ollie) "Can't… take… another… step!" *breaths heavily*
(Bishop) "We've been walking for 15 minutes! Where's Hugo, anyway?"
(Hugo) "Over here, behind this tree! Bathroom break!"
(Bishop) "I repeat, we've only been walking for 15 minutes!"

                                                                     *sizzle*

(Bishop) "What was that?"
(Hugo) "My potion! I mean, er, my lotion! There was a fire next to me, a small one, and I needed something to put it out with!"
(Bishop) "Why didn't you use the water you brought?"
(Hugo) "Oh… right."
(Bishop) "Yeah, right. Cat, I have my eye on you!"
(Hugo) "Why? Did i do something wron-
(Ollie) "And IIII have my eye on you!"
(Bishop) "I was talking to Hugo."

Ollie takes up reading

Ollie, I think, has recently decided that if he gets an education, Bishop will like him more.


(Bishop) *Stares at Ollie surrounded by books and boxes*
"WHAT
  THE
  HECK."
(Ollie) "Heeee-yo daaaa-wg. Au-I haaaaa-ve deee-ci-deeeed to beeee-come a lifaryton."
(Bishop) "You know, you've used a lot of grammar and words I understood. But I have no idea what the heck you just said."
(Ollie) "Hello, dog. I have decided to become a lifaryton."
(Bishop) "With all these books, I suppose you mean librarian?"
(Ollie) "Yeeees, but IIIII aaaam tryyyyyy-ing to speeeek a freeeench acceeeent."
(Bishop) "That's the worst french accent I've ever heard in my life. Sounds like you just had mouth surgery, Ollie."
(Ollie) "Thaaaaank youuuuuuu. IIIIIII waaaaaant refuge-a-son. Ooor eeeees thaaat edu-a-plun."
(Bishop) "I have no words. Except the fact that you mean education. Other than that, I'm speechless."
(Ollie) "Thaaaaank youuuuuu. Nooooowwww, iiiiiif yooooou excuuuuuse meeeee, I neeeeed to wake beeeeshoooop up wiiiiith a maaaarrrrrkeeeer. Oooooh, waaaaiiiit. Youuuu aaaare Beeee-shoooop."
(Bishop) "Lord, take me now."
(Ollie) "Where?!! I want to come! Lord! Take me now, too! I want to frolick! I want to fro-lick! I want to live happily! LET ME GO BISHOP! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?"
(Bishop) "Lots of things. And thank you for stopping the horrible accent."
(Ollie) "Oh, right. WAAAAAT DIIIIIID I EVEEEEER DOOOO TOOOO YOOOOOUUUU?!!"
(Bishop) "Ollie, did you beg for Reagan's coffee? And her books?"
(Ollie) "YEEEEESSS, I MEAAAAN NOOOOOO, I MEAAAN NOOOONE OF YOOOOUUUUR BEEEESWAAAAAX!"
(Bishop) "Oh, great. Please clean this up, Ollie."
(Ollie) "BUUUUUUT IIIII THOOOOUUUUUGHT YOUUUU WOOOOUUULD LIIIIIKEEE MEEEEE MOORE IF IIIII HAAAAD EDUCATIIIOOOOOOON."
(Bishop) "Ollie, I like you for you."
(Ollie) "Phew. I was hoping you'd say that. If you didn't stop me, then I'd have to make up some back-up story for what would happen when you would have seen the french statue I bought with your credit card. Now I can sell it for money and not have to worry about you seeing it."
(Bishop) "OLLLLIEEEEE!!!!!!!?????????"
(Ollie) "Ooh! I knew it! I knew you liked my french accent!"

Oysters

The worst sea-food EVER. Coming from someone that ate calamari, a name for fried squid!
I was at the beach with my best friend, Shelby. We were at a fancy restaurant.

(me) "Mmm... yes mam. I'll get your clam chowder, and shrimp salad, and lobster cooked medium-rare, and AIY YIY YIY! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT????!!!!!!"
(Waitress) "Oysters. Its for your Mom and dad, and friends mom and dad. Wanna try some? I'll put it on your order."
(Me) "No, thanks, mam. I think you can cross out my order. I think I lost my appetite."
(Waitress) "No, problem! Have a nice evening."
(Me) "Gee thanks. Do you REALLY THINK I'LL HAVE A NICE EVENING WITH THAT DISGUSTING FOOD IN MY MIND? HUH? HUH?"
(Shelby) "Yeah, that looks desgusting."
(Me) "I'll try it if you try it."
(Shelby) "But I don't wanna."
(Me) "I don't either."
(Shelby) "Fine."
     
                                                                       SLURP!

(Shelby) * HAAAACK* *GAAAAG* "Yeah, Reagan. Their-" *HAAAAACK* "Great!" *COUGH*
(Me) "I hate promising to do something before I think it through."

                                                                      SLURP!

(Me) *COUGH* "WHAD'YA MEAN THEIR GREAT?" *GAG*
(Shelby) "I pretended."
(Me) "You are a waaaaaay to good pretender."

                                                     *we each get drink of water*

Sadly, I've fallen for this more than once. Maybe twice. Okay, maybe not twice. Maybe three times.

5 things to mock

I'm taking a break from sleeping cutie to name 10 things to mock.

Thing number 1: A fabric color on a certain furniture magazine I can't actually remember. Now, why would I mock this? Well, it's color was fine. It was a nice weave. It came on a variety of items, like curtains, couches, table-cloths... well, this is why I mock it. It's NAME. The fabric's color name was camel. Who name's a fabric color camel?!!! Maybe caramel. But this was camel.

Thing number 2: All about that bass. Listen to the lyrics. Then you'll know why. Here are some. "I got that boom-boom dat aw da boys chase" WHAT EVEN? What's boom-boom? Thunder? A vacuum? "I got that va-cuum dat aw da boys chase"

Thing number 3: Cooties. Not cute, as in adorable. Coot. As in gross. I have some magic immune system to these things. By that, I mean boys: Don't expect me to scream and run from you. If you do: Then i'll chase you. And you'll end up removing your face from your intestines. Then you really WILL be running from me.

Thing number 4: Why bass is spelled B-A-S-S and not B-A-S-E. Is your basement called a bassment? Do you run to home bass?

Thing number 5: Let it go. Let it go... let it go... can't hold it back anymore... At first, when Elsa sung that song, I thought she was talking about letting the song go.

Thank you so much!

Hi. This is a post to say how much I'm thankful for you guys and I hope you enjoy reading my blog as I enjoy writing it. There are times when I just can't write and sometimes there are periods of times. I am really sorry for those because I know how important it is to write and keep this blog interesting. This post is to say thank you truly.
Thank you for youtubers who read this for entertainment.
Thank you for family who is always there and reads this for a laugh or two because they know how much this means to me.
Thank you to friends who read this blog weekly and those who read it yearly. I know they are always there.
Thank you to friends who tell others about this blog because they know others will like it.
Thank you for those going through tough times who read this daily because it makes them laugh and forget about those hard times.
Thank you to the people who created blogspot that check in with each person for hints about how to stay safe!
Thank you for my best friend Shelby and her brother Parker! Remember to check out their blogs too!
And thank you for my 1050 views!
Thank you sooo much! Remember to check in monthly! I hope I always have something for you to read!